An 8-year-old walks home alone for the first time and, after losing his way, asks the help of a 35-year-old man. That man turns out to be the very wrong person, and the boy is found dead.
What parental nightmare tops this? Yet nearly every parent hears repeated pleas from their tween and pre-tween kids to allow them a chance to walk home alone, to walk to the store alone, to stay home alone, etc. And some kids, for whatever reason, simply get separated from their parent and become lost.
So how can we make our kids safer? Teach your child how to talk to strangers — and which strangers to talk to.
I first read this counter-intuitive advice in Gavin DeBecker’s book Protecting the Gift. We adults talk to strangers all the time, he points out, and our children notice. Teach them, then, who they should talk to in an emergency.
A policeofficer or firefighter? Shouldn’t we advise kids to go to them for help? Yes, right, but … I can’t remember the last time I saw one of them on the street. How about a clerk in a store? Another good idea, if a store is around.
A new game
When my daughter and I are in crowds (e.g., in an airport or at a large park), we play the “lost game.” “Pretend your lost, Jo,” I say motioning toward the strangers around us. “Who would be a good person to ask for help?”
When my daughter and I first began this exercise, she would often pick the best-looking person around. But what does being good-looking have to do with safety? (Remember Ted Bundy?)
“Find a woman with a child or children,” I suggested instead, explaining that moms with kids are more likely to stop what they are doing to help a child in need. They are also most likely to stay with the child until the problem is resolved.
What about asking a man in a suit? Hmm … he may be on his way somewhere important and may just point the child in the right direction.
What about grandparent-types ? If it’s a couple and you don’t see a mom, consider them to be your Plan B, I’ve told my daughter. Then, perhaps, an older woman alone.
Yes, yes, yes, I’m making blanket statements to my daughter. But she now knows that she has to think about the who she asks for help if the need arises.
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